In honor of my completely non-ridiculed-amongst-co-workers love for dinosaurs, I decided to look up exactly how many dinosaur species have been discovered up until now (it’s more than you think). Upon reading the endless list of dinosaurs, I noticed some that had, shall we say, “suspect” names. Thus, I bring to you the most absurdly named dinosaurs to ever exist…and yes, apparently these things were real.
Otherwise known as a Sonarasaurus, these things were around 27 feet tall and 50 feet long and did not, I repeat did not look like that dinosaur-dog picture. They looked pretty much like what you think a brontosaurus looks like.
Ironically enough, this dinosaur didn’t get its name selling second-rate tacos. It got its name from being unfortunate enough to be discovered in the Chihuahua Desert region of the Sonoran Desert in Southern Arizona – which is only a few hundred miles away from Death Valley, California.
This means that if this dinosaur decided to truck on a few hundred more miles west to die instead of where it did, it could have possibly been named DEATHOSAURUS, which will always hold the #1 spot on the list of coolest things to be named, ever.
Meet the King – Cryolophosaurus, otherwise knows as Elvisaurus. It weighed around 1,000 lbs, was 21 feet long gets its name from the fact that its fossils were found surrounded by painkillers located only yards away from a toilet (citation needed). Paleontologists also theorize that its main source of food was scrambled eggs and bacon.
But seriously, Elvisaurus had a crest on its head that resembled the King’s famous pompadour haircut, thus its informal name. It’s believed that this crest was used to get the attention of other dinosaurs for the purpose of mating.
The Elvisaurus ate meat, weighed half a ton, got the ladies and had a sweet hairdo. Whether or not it could dance or steal black dinosaur’s music is irrelevant, it’s aptly named.
Do you remember that scene from The Fly where Jeff Goldblum tries to teleport himself and a fly sneaks into the pod just beforehand and they mold together? Well the Irritator is like that, except a Crocodile was trying to transport itself as a T-Rex snuck in. This thing was literally a 9-foot tall, 2,000 pound crocodile that ran on two legs. If there was ever an animal that could make my pants crap me, this would be it. It was also discovered in Brazil, so it probably liked to surf and knew jiu-jitsu.
I know, I know…the name “Irritator” doesn’t really go with this list, right? It actually sounds kind of badass, huh? Well, not when you learn that “Irritator” comes from the frustration paleontologists felt when they discovered that illegal fossil dealers were artificially elongating the fossil snouts to sell them at a higher price.
So as awesome and mean and incredibly evil as the Irritator looks, it was only named because of someone’s frustrations.
Drinker was a 6-foot long, 22 pound (I know!) lightweight. Apparently it ran really fast, had long legs, and theories range from Drinker being a swamp-friendly dinosaur to being a burrower. With it’s surprisingly awesome name, you’d think we’d know more about this dinosaur, but we don’t – just how its name came about…you can read about that here.
I don’t have much to say about this little guy other than I want one as a pet.
This is Scrotum (Megalasaurus). Scrotum is a gigantic scrotum, and was pretty much a 2/3 scale Tyrannosaurus Rex. He gets his name from the first bone that was found from a Megalasaurus skeleton. The bone was the bottom half of an enormous thigh bone, and yes, it’s exactly what you’re thinking..
In 1783, Richard Brooks felt that the chunk of femur bone I mentioned above resembled that of a human scrotum, so of course after weeks of thinking scientifically, he named the dinosaur “Scrotum Humanum”, because he’s absolutely stellar at creativity.
It’s because of Richard Brooks that you can safely assume that at one point in history an Elvisaurus probably got eaten by a Scrotum.