20 Quotes To Brighten Your Day (or ruin it)

Famous people say things…things that stick with you.  Some are insanely good and motivating where some are bathroom-wall material.  Either way, looked at in the correct light you can apply them to different aspects of your life which will allow you to enjoy them that much more.  I have no idea what these guys and gals were going through when they made these quotes, so I just took the liberty:

General George S. Patton on the consistency and recoil rate of a human body:

I don’t measure a man’s success by how high he climbs, but how high he bounces when he hits bottom.

Hank Aaron on beating up Justin Beiber:

My motto was to always to keep swinging.  Whether I was in a slump or feeling badly or having trouble off the field, the only thing to do was keep swinging

Eddie Van Halen on left-wing politics:

We’re musicians.  We make music for a living.  Nothing else matters.

Albert Einstein on driver safety:

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention that it deserves.

Mark Hammil (Luke Skywalker) on defining “duh”:

You know how there are some stars out there that know how to market themselves?  I don’t have that.

Tom Hanks on being a mutant:

I don’t cause riots, but I do cause confusion.  People freeze when they spot me.

Deion Sanders on open relationships:

Football is my wife, baseball is my girlfriend

Clint Eastwood on foreign policy:

This film cost $31 million.  With that kind of money I could have invaded a small country.

Jimmy Page on being…well, Jimmy Page:

I may not believe in myself, but I believe in what I’m doing.

Audrey Hepburn on spelling and grammar:

Nothing is impossible, the word itself even says, ‘I’m possible’!

Chuck Norris on obstacle courses:

A lot of people give up just before they’re going to make it.  You know, you never know when that next obstacle is going to be the last one.

Donald Trump on how to be a man:

When someone challenges you, fight back.  Be brutal, be tough.  Light that motherfucker up!

DISCLAIMER: I added the motherfucker line

Henry David Thoreau on blowing your mind:

The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.

Muhammad Ali on the theory of time travel:

I’m so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and I was in bed before the room got dark.

Wyatt Earp on sex:

Fast is fine, but accuracy is everything.

Stephen Hawking on being an Uncle Tom

We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn’t want to meet.

Oscar Wilde on manslaughter:

True friends stab you in the front.

Charles Manson on being a good son:

I loved my mother.  She was a good girl.

Charles Manson on being crazy:

I punched my mother out once.

Chael Sonnen on self-improvement:

‘Well-rounded’ just means that you suck at a lot of things all at once.  Try growing a spine and mastering something for a change, worm.

Quotes obtained through section 7 of the U.S. copyright “fair use” clause

Categories: EVERYTHING (in no particular order), Humor

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